I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
