youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Randomize
