you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
