First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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