honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Randomize
