i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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