I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
im six kinds of drunk right now
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
