Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
