It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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