I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
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