Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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