i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
