I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
