It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
