these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Randomize
