you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
