My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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