If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
