There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
This is classic penis vs brain.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
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