1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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