hell yes lets make some ravioli
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Randomize