don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
