You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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