I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
wow bdsm is so cute
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
