you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
My cat gives me a boner
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
