dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
don't judge my taste in strippers
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Randomize
