I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
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