she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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