I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Randomize
