I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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