hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
