Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
