i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize