i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
