Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
