four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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