Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
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