I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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