rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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