thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
