Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
