dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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