don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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