This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
