the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize