we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
