You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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