lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
