I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
