But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
