I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Randomize
