Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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