Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Randomize