she looked like the before picture.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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