you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
