Who did Billy Mays play for?
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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