I'm laying in your front yard are you home
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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