im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize