I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I just want nice things and good sex
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize