I think i peed on brittanys purse
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
