You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Randomize
