Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I wish you could order shots online.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
