Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
