If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
